I've also said I would not go to my father's funeral for personal reasons. The thing is he was officially gone yesterday and I had class last night and my final tomorrow. Am I being wrong for not going? I don't know what to say or do about it. Should I still try to make it to class tomorrow night even though I don't even know what is going on right now. I honestly can't remember simple things. I even forgot my professor's name and school while the doctors, nurses, assistants, and social workers were asking me. It's crazy. Well I just needed to write on here because I think I need some more time before I take the final because my mind is seriously gone right now.
My father died 3 times and this time was the last time so it's kind of crazy because I was expecting him to come out this time, I really thought he was.
Anyway, do you all think I should take my final or should I just retake the class.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Trying to Stay Strong!
I just wen back there to see him for the first time all week that he was here and it broke down. He's pretty much gone. I know the look, I've seen it many times before working in the hospital whether it was volunteering or whatever. I've ever cried before when I've seen him in these conditions and I know the process of organ preseravation. I know my mother didn't want to let me know what was going on because it's finals week for me, but I don't think I am going to be able to do my finals this week. I know many people out there may think I am a weak person, but I am not. Even my sister and mother was sad about me breaking down. I didn't mean to, my legs just went numb and lost it's strength. I honestly didn't mean for that to happen. I loudly exclaimed, "Is he dead, tell me don't lie!"
I didn't meant to be loud like that but I wasn't prepared to see that. I honestly wasn't. I'm still not, but thank God for my denial brain because the image is blocked from my head right now. I don't remember what he looks like just that when I saw him I lost all muscle tone in my limbs. I just fell to the floor and started sobbing loudly. I can't do that. I can't take this. I was just praying to God to help me to have a relationship with my father and to save him before he dies. I also wanted my children to have a grandfather because I did not have one. I don't know, it sounds weird seeing that me and my father hasn't had a relationship in over 20 years, but still he lived in the same house with me for most of my life except when I went off to college.
I'm sorry I have to end this post because his lifeless eyes and body just popped back into my head. I don't like crying in front of people and I have to stay strong for them although they don't think I am strong now. My mother came back there to get me all angry and mad for me showing emotions. Sorry people this is my only emotional escape, my only outlet to be anything else but smiling or looking like I have it all together when deep down inside I know I'm not. She just told me in the car, she has been telling everyone that we are the strongest, my sister and I than her boys and the rest of the family. I am going to keep strong, I'm just mad that my mother didn't expect me to break down like that and scold me for doing so. Sorry I'm not going to always have it together, this is my first death in my family that I saw lying up in a hospital bed dead. I still believe God will make a miracle.
I feel bad because I kind of snapped on the nurse for giving me that "grieving family procedure message" Don't lie to me lady, I've worked in the healthcare field and I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing, just tell me so that we won't waste having him o life support and he's been gone since Tuesday or Wednesday night. I was going to talk to him last night and apologize for not forcing a relationship with him. Both of us are prideful, I am my father's daughter, and we both have attitude problems, extra sensitive, and a host of things including stubborn.. I didn't like when people told me that when I was younger but as I am getting older, I realize that it is true and it is the wrong way to live and at towards people, especially family. You just never know who is leaving out of here and it happens so fast, it's crazy. Sorry everyone, I have to get my mind together and email my professor and the director to let them know they won't have to send me to a different class to take the final so that racist white guy doesn't assault me again.
Well have a good day everyone. Enjoy your weekend. I would apologize for posting such sad news but I'm learning not to apologize for the way I feel or for being me. People don't have to read it pretty much.
Update: He is gone, my sister was just telling someone. We are just waiting for my grandma to pull the plug. I am upset that I didn't go in there yesterday and say something to him yesterday while he was still here. I knew something was wrong when they said he wasn't recognizing anyone and that he wasn't responding. My mother told me last night she thought he was in a coma, but when I went in there, it looks like he has been gone for quite some time now. God bless you all and keep my family in prayer.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Another Blah Day!
Welcome into another week.
So it's pretty dreary here in my land, BUT there is such excitement because there is only one more week left of classes and then I am FREE! I am never taking another night class again, hopefully that is. I said the same thing two years ago and here I am in another night class. I guess I didn't learn the first time or I kind of forgot about my sentiments for it.
Well my family are all at the hospital right now and I am sitting here preparing for class and my lab tonight. I HATE our labs but then again I'm usually half sleep during them. Not to mention waking up at 6 in the morning, playing with my nephew (or being awaken by him busting into my room so I can let him play his spider-man or batman game on the laptop), trying to go back to sleep, finally falling asleep, waking up an hour later, then rushing because I'm running late, and then finally making it to campus only to need another nap due to the fact I forgot to eat something (most days but not all days).
Yes that is my life every morning. You would think something would change if I was so sick of it, well this IS that change from a previous morning/day schedule. I need to manage my time more and definitely eat more because I am usually burnt out by 5pm. Yes even now I am yawning with a hunger headache because the herb and garlic salmon wasn't good enough for me this morning. Yes I do try to eat something heavy on the days I am going to be here late, such as a day like today, or during my test days, every Wednesday to be exact.
That reminds me, finals is next Wednesday and I need to start refreshing my memory in some of that stuff before my anxiety gets the best of me and I'm sitting in the class panicking throughout the whole exam. Yes that would be my luck.
Anyhow, I need to take a quick nap before class starts. I'll go to my professor's office hours another time. Here's to the finals week and the closing of the semester. No worries, I'll be back at it in June saying the same thing, when will this semester be over with? Oh wait I can't rest, I have to start studying ahead of time, orgo is not an easy class, definitely not something to take during the summer. BUUUT I have to finish if I want to be start applying to med school next year. Yes people, the year is almost over and I just realized how close I am to starting the med school application process. Oh wait I'm getting ahead of myself, the MCAT process. And so I sigh. Pray for me people. I'll get some rest one of these days, today and this year are just not those days!
Enjoy the rest of your week!
So it's pretty dreary here in my land, BUT there is such excitement because there is only one more week left of classes and then I am FREE! I am never taking another night class again, hopefully that is. I said the same thing two years ago and here I am in another night class. I guess I didn't learn the first time or I kind of forgot about my sentiments for it.
Well my family are all at the hospital right now and I am sitting here preparing for class and my lab tonight. I HATE our labs but then again I'm usually half sleep during them. Not to mention waking up at 6 in the morning, playing with my nephew (or being awaken by him busting into my room so I can let him play his spider-man or batman game on the laptop), trying to go back to sleep, finally falling asleep, waking up an hour later, then rushing because I'm running late, and then finally making it to campus only to need another nap due to the fact I forgot to eat something (most days but not all days).
Yes that is my life every morning. You would think something would change if I was so sick of it, well this IS that change from a previous morning/day schedule. I need to manage my time more and definitely eat more because I am usually burnt out by 5pm. Yes even now I am yawning with a hunger headache because the herb and garlic salmon wasn't good enough for me this morning. Yes I do try to eat something heavy on the days I am going to be here late, such as a day like today, or during my test days, every Wednesday to be exact.
That reminds me, finals is next Wednesday and I need to start refreshing my memory in some of that stuff before my anxiety gets the best of me and I'm sitting in the class panicking throughout the whole exam. Yes that would be my luck.
Anyhow, I need to take a quick nap before class starts. I'll go to my professor's office hours another time. Here's to the finals week and the closing of the semester. No worries, I'll be back at it in June saying the same thing, when will this semester be over with? Oh wait I can't rest, I have to start studying ahead of time, orgo is not an easy class, definitely not something to take during the summer. BUUUT I have to finish if I want to be start applying to med school next year. Yes people, the year is almost over and I just realized how close I am to starting the med school application process. Oh wait I'm getting ahead of myself, the MCAT process. And so I sigh. Pray for me people. I'll get some rest one of these days, today and this year are just not those days!
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Test Tonight
I am about to freak out. Most of the calculations we are doing are from previous chapters. The only thing is knowing what it is I'm looking at and using what I have to get to where I want to end with, pretty much the product. Now from these chemistry classes, I am getting that I will never use these things again. So why are these classes required? I am thinking it is because of those reasons I've stated above, to be a great problem solver, something I was good at when I was younger but not so good at in my old age.
Think about it, you're going to have to memorize a bunch of things in medical school. Use that knowledge to apply it to patients who have a bunch of symptoms, etc. Be able to use what you have, figure out what isn't significant, what is, and think about the best plan to get them to their best answer or product. I don't know, I am taking these classes with those ideas in mind. So when I feel like quitting or trying to think why am I taking this, it keeps me in class and I don't drop them.
The thing is there is a lot if "noise" in the background in every single word problem I read. It is sometimes hard to know what you're looking at and what you need to be thinking about to solve the problem because of those distracting parts. Life is the same way, one big word problem. Find out what is significant and be ignore everything else that is just there taking up space, creating background noises.
So I am trying to get into my own place right now, with no roommates, not friends staying over for extended periods of times, and no family trying to mooch off of me. I am bearing down with the essentials and using what I have right now to create a plan/ path to get to where I want to end of, the solution to my life problem, medical school. No I am not saying that medical school will solve my life problems, but it will solve the problem I have with purely existing and not doing what I truly desire to do.
Enough with the drama, enough with people who don't matter. Enough with all the background noises that are simply distractions. A lot of things will distract you but you have to learn how to gracefully ignore them. No one will think you're sane if you holler at your distractions or space fillers during a test. You might even be escorted out in handcuffs or given a mental evaluation. I would like to do that for fun but then again I have a reputation to uphold.
Anyhow, I am looking at these problems trying to get even more used to solving them. I am doing great in the class by answering questions etc, but there is something to be said about a person that not only answers question correctly but are great test takers and problem solvers. Trying to get my critical thinking and problem solving abilities back up to par because this is not going to work for me. I have one more year to hone those skills, if I don't I might not pass the MCAT.
Have a great day people as I regret not being diligent in my studying and thinking to myself, "I got this!" See why I must convince myself into thinking I failed in order for me to study like I need to?
I need to think BEYOND what I see when I am looking at these problems. Send me blessings everyone. Thanks in advance! :)
Think about it, you're going to have to memorize a bunch of things in medical school. Use that knowledge to apply it to patients who have a bunch of symptoms, etc. Be able to use what you have, figure out what isn't significant, what is, and think about the best plan to get them to their best answer or product. I don't know, I am taking these classes with those ideas in mind. So when I feel like quitting or trying to think why am I taking this, it keeps me in class and I don't drop them.
The thing is there is a lot if "noise" in the background in every single word problem I read. It is sometimes hard to know what you're looking at and what you need to be thinking about to solve the problem because of those distracting parts. Life is the same way, one big word problem. Find out what is significant and be ignore everything else that is just there taking up space, creating background noises.
So I am trying to get into my own place right now, with no roommates, not friends staying over for extended periods of times, and no family trying to mooch off of me. I am bearing down with the essentials and using what I have right now to create a plan/ path to get to where I want to end of, the solution to my life problem, medical school. No I am not saying that medical school will solve my life problems, but it will solve the problem I have with purely existing and not doing what I truly desire to do.
Enough with the drama, enough with people who don't matter. Enough with all the background noises that are simply distractions. A lot of things will distract you but you have to learn how to gracefully ignore them. No one will think you're sane if you holler at your distractions or space fillers during a test. You might even be escorted out in handcuffs or given a mental evaluation. I would like to do that for fun but then again I have a reputation to uphold.
Anyhow, I am looking at these problems trying to get even more used to solving them. I am doing great in the class by answering questions etc, but there is something to be said about a person that not only answers question correctly but are great test takers and problem solvers. Trying to get my critical thinking and problem solving abilities back up to par because this is not going to work for me. I have one more year to hone those skills, if I don't I might not pass the MCAT.
Have a great day people as I regret not being diligent in my studying and thinking to myself, "I got this!" See why I must convince myself into thinking I failed in order for me to study like I need to?
I need to think BEYOND what I see when I am looking at these problems. Send me blessings everyone. Thanks in advance! :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Headaches and more....
I think I might be suffering from a hunger headache. Yes I did fix me something to eat, but for the majority of the day I have been doing chem tests and quizzes, holding my niece and trying to fin something nice to do once I am finished with this class. T minus 2 weeks until I can relax a little and enjoy some mental lax days. Not for too long because I will be taking summer classes..... Why do I torture myself?
I am having some doubts about med school and whether or not I am actually going to make it in. WHAT WILL I DO IF I DON'T? Maybe that might be the source of my headache. I was also thinking about the tutoring sessions I have mentioned before on this blog, they've evolved into socializing sessions as I don't need as much help with the chem as I thought I did. I was just out of school for so long and when you're not working your brain, it kind of hurts when you suddenly start to again. Or at least that's how it was for me.
So I am thinking about some things that I need to be doing right now because I am not getting any younger. Life is not just waiting for me to get it together, I need to do something. I need to evolve. Life is about changing and evolving. Something is wrong if you're still in the same place dealing with the same things for years. I mean, that's just sad and pathetic. (Story of my life by the way)
I don't know, maybe I am being too hard on myself. Or maybe I'm not being hard enough. My life is in limbo right now and it doesn't seem like I have made any progress since I've started. I don't like that because either you're progressing or you're regressing. Either you're growing or you're slowly (or rapidly) dying off. I want life and progression. I choose to evolve. SO with that being said I am trying to do everything I can to take control of my life, or better control of it. I'm too old for someone else to be in control of my life.
This the same things I was telling someone yesterday. Met her randomly in a class I sit in to make free copies... But it is so funny that I was able to help her but very seldom am able to help myself. Is this the same situation for everyone else or am I just a sucky person?
But enough with the depression talk, that is not why I was on here. I am kind of happy that the semester is almost over, it was long overdue. I am really at the end of my rope here. The crazy guy in class kept trying to "clear the way for me" with very elaborate hand gestures suggesting that I act like I am a queen or something and everyone should bow down to me... No I just don't like men who shoulder bump little fragile women and try to punk me out. I would never say this to his face, I just simply stay away from him or walk around him in lab. He was funny though and made me laugh which I didn't want to do. I wanted to give him my mean serious face, but I'm too goofy and smiley to do that unless I am in pure rage. So pretty much it's never going to happen.
Oh shoot! I forgot I have to register for my summer classes. I am definitely falling behind. Well my niece is shifting and my nephew is awake from his 5+ hour nap. Which in my opinion was him sleeping during the day and he'll be up until 5 something this morning. Guess what, I won't be up with him tonight, I'm already falling asleep on him. Who am I kidding, he's going to wake me up and keep me up just like he does every single night he's here.
Well have a goodnight everyone and enjoy the rest of your week. Sorry I have been sub-par with the SAAM. I'm honestly trying not to get fired up. I have posts to write but they're only making me sound bitter and angry. Not a good look for me.
I am having some doubts about med school and whether or not I am actually going to make it in. WHAT WILL I DO IF I DON'T? Maybe that might be the source of my headache. I was also thinking about the tutoring sessions I have mentioned before on this blog, they've evolved into socializing sessions as I don't need as much help with the chem as I thought I did. I was just out of school for so long and when you're not working your brain, it kind of hurts when you suddenly start to again. Or at least that's how it was for me.
So I am thinking about some things that I need to be doing right now because I am not getting any younger. Life is not just waiting for me to get it together, I need to do something. I need to evolve. Life is about changing and evolving. Something is wrong if you're still in the same place dealing with the same things for years. I mean, that's just sad and pathetic. (Story of my life by the way)
I don't know, maybe I am being too hard on myself. Or maybe I'm not being hard enough. My life is in limbo right now and it doesn't seem like I have made any progress since I've started. I don't like that because either you're progressing or you're regressing. Either you're growing or you're slowly (or rapidly) dying off. I want life and progression. I choose to evolve. SO with that being said I am trying to do everything I can to take control of my life, or better control of it. I'm too old for someone else to be in control of my life.
This the same things I was telling someone yesterday. Met her randomly in a class I sit in to make free copies... But it is so funny that I was able to help her but very seldom am able to help myself. Is this the same situation for everyone else or am I just a sucky person?
But enough with the depression talk, that is not why I was on here. I am kind of happy that the semester is almost over, it was long overdue. I am really at the end of my rope here. The crazy guy in class kept trying to "clear the way for me" with very elaborate hand gestures suggesting that I act like I am a queen or something and everyone should bow down to me... No I just don't like men who shoulder bump little fragile women and try to punk me out. I would never say this to his face, I just simply stay away from him or walk around him in lab. He was funny though and made me laugh which I didn't want to do. I wanted to give him my mean serious face, but I'm too goofy and smiley to do that unless I am in pure rage. So pretty much it's never going to happen.
Oh shoot! I forgot I have to register for my summer classes. I am definitely falling behind. Well my niece is shifting and my nephew is awake from his 5+ hour nap. Which in my opinion was him sleeping during the day and he'll be up until 5 something this morning. Guess what, I won't be up with him tonight, I'm already falling asleep on him. Who am I kidding, he's going to wake me up and keep me up just like he does every single night he's here.
Well have a goodnight everyone and enjoy the rest of your week. Sorry I have been sub-par with the SAAM. I'm honestly trying not to get fired up. I have posts to write but they're only making me sound bitter and angry. Not a good look for me.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Old Flames and the Phone Version....
I know I have mentioned this several times before but this is becoming a tad bit annoying to view blogger on a mobile device. Arrrgggghhhh and uuuugggghhhh!
Well to finish off my boring Saturday, I am watching Gossip Girl. Don't ask me why. I started watching the show because I was intrigued with it's fashions but now it's becoming quite the bore but the only thing that keeps me entertained when I am trying not to think about anything chemistry or my boring life. Yes I have said it, my life is boring. Whomp whomp whoooomp. Please reread that last statement to make sure you've included sound effects. I'm only partially kidding.
I must say this is a random post of some ramblings and babbling. I must say I am officially over that guy I mentioned several times before on here. It turns out he's not as awesome as I thought he was. In fact I think he might be gay. And as a classic movie line would go, he didn't really like me, he was covering up his gayness! (that last statement was no offense to anyone who is homosexual, but only for that insensitive individual who would use my heart for a simple cover up!) Was that last line too long to be encased in parenthesis, maybe....
I know that is very irrelevant to the topic of this post and blog but I want to update you all on that.... I would be upset about it, but I'm not. You see I was only in love with the thought of him "loving" me and just like any person in denial, I was going to have that happiness with the cover up of a "fake loving relationship." Well that is what some psychologist might say, how would I know I'm not trained as one. But I'm not mad thought because the more I think about it, he was the perfect boyfriend. I didn't have to have any emotional attachments nor uncomfortable awkward sex, and he got to pretend to be heterosexual for a second. Perfect exchange right...
Umm no because it's still playing with my heart but that's the only way I cannot be mad about the whole ordeal. Enough about that old news and old boy. I honestly do feel more sorry for him than I do angry at him. There are clearly more men in this world and I'm destined to run into one of them and fall in love with him. Just hopefully it's someone who speaks French. Hello hot French guys :)
So I am almost finished with a class to kick start me revamp into the medical field. I have one more week and I am FREE of this class. I need to get an A so that my GPA can be at least a 3.5 or higher. I don't know how it will all factor in once my final grades are posted. Hopefully it's a 4.0, then my GPA might be higher than a 3.5. I need to be as competitive as I can be. My insecurities lies in my dumbness not what I'm unable to do. As long as I can continue to convince myself that I am smart, I'm actually quite alright.
Well enough with the ramblings, my nephew needs the laptop to watch Diego since they don't play it anymore on TV. We somehow lost his recordings. Oh what shall I do? Raising my siblings offspring when I'm not even sure if I want my own. It's too much and sooooo frustrating at times, especially now that he knows how to talk and makes statements like, "Te Te, you're too petty!" "Who are you talking to? Granny said I can." Or my favorite, "Te Te I'm not dumb, give me back my stuff. I saw you!" What 3 year old talks like that? What's going on? Am I missing something? There is more things that he says, but they're too embarrassing to post here....
Oh wait, this morning he tells me, "Te Te you don't have a penis, you're a girl just like Kennedy is a girl." What? I probably shouldn't have told him what a penis is, but in my hopes of preventing him from being raped, I wanted to teach him about his body parts. Maybe I am a bit paranoid and think there are vicious rapists lurking in the dark corners of every home, but as so many people have mentioned to me during my advocacy years as well as myself, I don't remember ever being educated on what to do if a family member rapes you, or where to go. I don't want my nephew to be stuck in that same situation. No I am not telling him about rape specifically but just informing him of good touch and bad touch. Maybe the use of the word penis is a bit much, but I don't know what else to call it.
Any suggestions from the parents out there? Or anyone else? Am I tainting my nephew or am I doing something good? Please let me know, it would just break my heart if someone inappropriately touches him as he has kind of alluded to in the past. He keeps saying some very sexual things which is not normal for a 3 year old, and most of those times he was two.... Sorry maybe this is something I should be keeping to myself and not mentioning on a pre-med blog. Sorry readers, my thoughts consume me sometimes..... Well to all you lovely people wit lovely lives, enjoy the rest of your Saturday, I'm about to try and make mine just a tad bit more interesting by watching Columbiana and wishing I was half as sexy as her. Don't ask me why I think female heroes are sexy, they just are! Who says power isn't sexy and right now in my head I am going to be that sexiness. Sorry I am over here laughing my little heart out. People call me cute and oooh my gosh, you're so pretty. You're so cute as thought I am not someone in my late 20s, so I hardly expect to ever be considered sexy except to pedophiles. I still look like a 16 year old girl with hair toughing the top of her behind and nothing more. Nothing more childish than extremely long straight hair....who so sexy. NOT!
Goodnight everyone.
Well to finish off my boring Saturday, I am watching Gossip Girl. Don't ask me why. I started watching the show because I was intrigued with it's fashions but now it's becoming quite the bore but the only thing that keeps me entertained when I am trying not to think about anything chemistry or my boring life. Yes I have said it, my life is boring. Whomp whomp whoooomp. Please reread that last statement to make sure you've included sound effects. I'm only partially kidding.
I must say this is a random post of some ramblings and babbling. I must say I am officially over that guy I mentioned several times before on here. It turns out he's not as awesome as I thought he was. In fact I think he might be gay. And as a classic movie line would go, he didn't really like me, he was covering up his gayness! (that last statement was no offense to anyone who is homosexual, but only for that insensitive individual who would use my heart for a simple cover up!) Was that last line too long to be encased in parenthesis, maybe....
I know that is very irrelevant to the topic of this post and blog but I want to update you all on that.... I would be upset about it, but I'm not. You see I was only in love with the thought of him "loving" me and just like any person in denial, I was going to have that happiness with the cover up of a "fake loving relationship." Well that is what some psychologist might say, how would I know I'm not trained as one. But I'm not mad thought because the more I think about it, he was the perfect boyfriend. I didn't have to have any emotional attachments nor uncomfortable awkward sex, and he got to pretend to be heterosexual for a second. Perfect exchange right...
Umm no because it's still playing with my heart but that's the only way I cannot be mad about the whole ordeal. Enough about that old news and old boy. I honestly do feel more sorry for him than I do angry at him. There are clearly more men in this world and I'm destined to run into one of them and fall in love with him. Just hopefully it's someone who speaks French. Hello hot French guys :)
So I am almost finished with a class to kick start me revamp into the medical field. I have one more week and I am FREE of this class. I need to get an A so that my GPA can be at least a 3.5 or higher. I don't know how it will all factor in once my final grades are posted. Hopefully it's a 4.0, then my GPA might be higher than a 3.5. I need to be as competitive as I can be. My insecurities lies in my dumbness not what I'm unable to do. As long as I can continue to convince myself that I am smart, I'm actually quite alright.
Well enough with the ramblings, my nephew needs the laptop to watch Diego since they don't play it anymore on TV. We somehow lost his recordings. Oh what shall I do? Raising my siblings offspring when I'm not even sure if I want my own. It's too much and sooooo frustrating at times, especially now that he knows how to talk and makes statements like, "Te Te, you're too petty!" "Who are you talking to? Granny said I can." Or my favorite, "Te Te I'm not dumb, give me back my stuff. I saw you!" What 3 year old talks like that? What's going on? Am I missing something? There is more things that he says, but they're too embarrassing to post here....
Oh wait, this morning he tells me, "Te Te you don't have a penis, you're a girl just like Kennedy is a girl." What? I probably shouldn't have told him what a penis is, but in my hopes of preventing him from being raped, I wanted to teach him about his body parts. Maybe I am a bit paranoid and think there are vicious rapists lurking in the dark corners of every home, but as so many people have mentioned to me during my advocacy years as well as myself, I don't remember ever being educated on what to do if a family member rapes you, or where to go. I don't want my nephew to be stuck in that same situation. No I am not telling him about rape specifically but just informing him of good touch and bad touch. Maybe the use of the word penis is a bit much, but I don't know what else to call it.
Any suggestions from the parents out there? Or anyone else? Am I tainting my nephew or am I doing something good? Please let me know, it would just break my heart if someone inappropriately touches him as he has kind of alluded to in the past. He keeps saying some very sexual things which is not normal for a 3 year old, and most of those times he was two.... Sorry maybe this is something I should be keeping to myself and not mentioning on a pre-med blog. Sorry readers, my thoughts consume me sometimes..... Well to all you lovely people wit lovely lives, enjoy the rest of your Saturday, I'm about to try and make mine just a tad bit more interesting by watching Columbiana and wishing I was half as sexy as her. Don't ask me why I think female heroes are sexy, they just are! Who says power isn't sexy and right now in my head I am going to be that sexiness. Sorry I am over here laughing my little heart out. People call me cute and oooh my gosh, you're so pretty. You're so cute as thought I am not someone in my late 20s, so I hardly expect to ever be considered sexy except to pedophiles. I still look like a 16 year old girl with hair toughing the top of her behind and nothing more. Nothing more childish than extremely long straight hair....who so sexy. NOT!
Goodnight everyone.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
NOT Failing.....
so yesterday I found out I am not failing my chem class. I honestly thought I was. I failed the first exam and the first quiz and then another one last week....sorry I fell asleep during the test. I know I know, I need to get some sleep. Honestly waking up at 6 in the morning every morning after being awaken at 2 every "night" and then sitting in class until 10pm it too much for my little body, especially seeing I don't eat like I should be. Oh the joys of being a broke person who has to move on with life.....
So much to my amazement yesterday I am not failing the class, but I am going to continue to think that I am so that I won't become arrogant and lazy and end up failing in reality. I am best when I think I am doing bad because it pushes me to work harder and make sure I am doing all that I need to do. Like today, I sat up in bed all day looking at facebook and then daydreaming my life away! I just figured of I can get an A out of this class, no worries, I'll work on that assignment tomorrow. Yes, I can be pretty prideful and arrogant at times. Please pray for me.
I was going to drop the class and now I don't have to. I know way too much about chemistry than I think I should know for my classes. Everyone I seem to be getting tutored from are grad and PhD students so they talk to me and teach me things as though I am working on a Masters in chemistry and need some kind of quick clarification or something, or maybe even a full blown lecture about it. SMH. I am thankful for the knowledge, but sometimes it is just way above my head. Again as I have said a million times before, I am more biology oriented than chemistry. Gosh how I hate chemistry, but then love it all over again when I find something interesting..... I better learn to love it, especially for pathology (or at least I think that's what you should love)!
No worries everyone, I am going to study hard, but that is all I have been doing for the entire semester. I am just a little burnt out right now. We only have 2 more weeks of classes and I am free, well not completely free because there is a part two, then MCAT, and then medical school. I'm not sure if it will play out like that, but I am going to work and work hard like it is.
So I am going to catch up on reading these two chapters although I went through both of them yesterday with full blown lectures during tutoring sessions, powerpoint presentations and all. Let me not laugh because I did learn a great deal that helped me during my quiz. I was in a anxiety attack phase before I started because I thought I wasn't ready or prepared because nothing I went to that other ochem professor seemed to be what I needed for the test. It turns out I already knew that stuff that was on the test, I was asking things that, according to him, were junior or senior level quantum mechanics and why he was teaching me all of that.. things that make you go hmmmmmm.
But that is all for today, I wanted to share that tad bit of information with you. Also I have a new "friend" in class, I just hope that she is not lesbian. She seems to be really interested in me which was why I was hesitant in giving her my number (which I don't know by heart anyway) but I did give her my email address. She hasn't emailed me so I guess she won't be contacting me. I also reunited with my old friend there. Mind you there should be quotation marks around the word friends as I do not have friends nor do I think you make them over a semester of class, it's a lifelong thing or something that is grown into friendship.
I said that was all and here I am typing another full blown paragraph....sorry :)
So much to my amazement yesterday I am not failing the class, but I am going to continue to think that I am so that I won't become arrogant and lazy and end up failing in reality. I am best when I think I am doing bad because it pushes me to work harder and make sure I am doing all that I need to do. Like today, I sat up in bed all day looking at facebook and then daydreaming my life away! I just figured of I can get an A out of this class, no worries, I'll work on that assignment tomorrow. Yes, I can be pretty prideful and arrogant at times. Please pray for me.
I was going to drop the class and now I don't have to. I know way too much about chemistry than I think I should know for my classes. Everyone I seem to be getting tutored from are grad and PhD students so they talk to me and teach me things as though I am working on a Masters in chemistry and need some kind of quick clarification or something, or maybe even a full blown lecture about it. SMH. I am thankful for the knowledge, but sometimes it is just way above my head. Again as I have said a million times before, I am more biology oriented than chemistry. Gosh how I hate chemistry, but then love it all over again when I find something interesting..... I better learn to love it, especially for pathology (or at least I think that's what you should love)!
No worries everyone, I am going to study hard, but that is all I have been doing for the entire semester. I am just a little burnt out right now. We only have 2 more weeks of classes and I am free, well not completely free because there is a part two, then MCAT, and then medical school. I'm not sure if it will play out like that, but I am going to work and work hard like it is.
So I am going to catch up on reading these two chapters although I went through both of them yesterday with full blown lectures during tutoring sessions, powerpoint presentations and all. Let me not laugh because I did learn a great deal that helped me during my quiz. I was in a anxiety attack phase before I started because I thought I wasn't ready or prepared because nothing I went to that other ochem professor seemed to be what I needed for the test. It turns out I already knew that stuff that was on the test, I was asking things that, according to him, were junior or senior level quantum mechanics and why he was teaching me all of that.. things that make you go hmmmmmm.
But that is all for today, I wanted to share that tad bit of information with you. Also I have a new "friend" in class, I just hope that she is not lesbian. She seems to be really interested in me which was why I was hesitant in giving her my number (which I don't know by heart anyway) but I did give her my email address. She hasn't emailed me so I guess she won't be contacting me. I also reunited with my old friend there. Mind you there should be quotation marks around the word friends as I do not have friends nor do I think you make them over a semester of class, it's a lifelong thing or something that is grown into friendship.
I said that was all and here I am typing another full blown paragraph....sorry :)
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